More Quotable Kids

Hazel: I heard on the news, there's a Really. Big. Spork, heading north.


Juniper: This would be a GREAT name for a god! Owlena. Get it? Owl plus Athena. OWLENA!
[Editor's note: as a former giant classics nerd who still has a very soft spot for the myths, legends, and literature of Ancient Greece, I cannot exaggerate how happy this made me.]


After hearing a news story about conflict in Syria
Hazel: I know! Juniper, when we grow up, we can be peacemakers, and then there won't have to be any more war!


Starting a "conversation story"
Sally: Once upon a time, a friendly dragon fell into a hole.
Hazel: And the dragon was trapped, and the dragon could only see the sky. The dragon couldn't get out.
Juniper: And then erosion (which is a natural process), erosion happened so that the earth around the hole was worn away, till it was all the same level, and the dragon flew away.


Hazel: For my birthday, I want some weapons and a necklace.
Aaron: Ok. For a necklace, do you want something like a pearl bead necklace?
Hazel: No, I want the kind of necklace that goes around your waist and you can hang weapons from it.


Juniper: If we all dressed up as a werewolf family, that would be really creepy!
Hazel: That's a great idea! We just need some vampire teeth.


Hazel: Was Macbeth a bad guy?
Sally: Yeah...complicated, and interesting, but a bad guy.
[Pause]
Hazel: Like Darth Vader. He's a complicated bad guy.


After reading a description of what infinity is
Aaron: Can you think of something that's infinite?
Juniper: Well, the universe is finit, but it's always getting bigger, so that's infinite. It's finit and it's infinite.


Hazel: Mama?
Sally: Yes ma'am?
Hazel: Don't say "yes ma'am." You can say "yes pumpkin."


Sitting next to her sister, not too long before Christmas
Hazel: What would be a good place to buy a book?
Sally: What do you mean? What kind of book?
Hazel: Oh, you know, a book with magic...and stuff...and adventures...and...things. A book that's full of fantasy and all the things Juniper likes.
Sally: If I wanted to buy a book like that, I would go to Little Shop of Stories, or I would go to Amazon, which is an online store on the internet.
Hazel: Let's go to the Little Shopping Stories, but don't tell Juniper.


Hazel: What's a scimitar?
Juniper: It's a curvy sword.
Sally: That's absolutely correct, but how do you know what a scimitar is?
Juniper: I read a lot of books.


While setting up our new bird feeder
Hazel: We just heard some birds. I think the birds are spreading the news about the bird feeder.


Opening a box of chocolates
Juniper: I got a white man's sampler!


Flipping through a street atlas
Hazel: I'm reading a GPS book.


Hazel: Sometimes when I'm at Waffle House, I have a growth spurt. Because I like the food so much.


Hazel: It's hard to put on lip goo.
Aaron: Why?
H: Because I have a dirty sock on my face.
A: Why do you have a dirty sock on your face?
H: To protect my nose from Juniper's farts.


Reading a counting book
Sally: What's this number?
Hazel: Seventeen.
S: And this one?
H: Eighteen. 
S: And this one?
H: Nineteen.
S: And this one?
H: Zeroteen.


Hazel: I don't believe in spirits, but I do believe in magic.
Juniper: I believe in the spirit of nature.
H: I believe in the spirit of fighting.


Hazel: When I'm 5, I'll decide whether or not I believe in God.


Juniper: That was wicked!
Hazel: What do you mean? That was awesome!


After reading the Percy Jackson books, Juniper was wondering whether she might be the demigod child of various Olympians.
Hazel: If you were a child of DiaNOsus, you'd really like beer.


Juniper: Due to the misunderstandment...